a most excellent dogma
by carrotflowers
Summary: Bill and Ted team up with the characters of dogma to fight the forces of evil.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Dogma or any of the characters from dogma. I also do not own bill and Ted.  
  
A/n: I'm surprised no ones tried a bill and Ted/dogma fic yet. Maybe it's just me that thinks it's a good idea. This is my first fan fic ever, so I'm new to this. please read and review.  
  
" A most excellent Dogma!"  
  
Chapter 1: "the return of evil Bill and Ted."  
  
We enter to see Bill and Ted at the circle K sitting on the curb eating microwave burritos.  
" It's been a wail since we've seen Rufus." Said Bill.  
  
" Well, nothings really gone wrong." Ted took a bite out of his burrito.  
  
"But Missy dumped your dad for Rufus' old gym teacher, and then she dumped him for my dad again!"  
"Bill that's a good thing. Remember how depressed your dad was?" asked Ted.  
" Oh," Bill smiled, "yeah." They both laughed and finished their burritos. Ted looked at his watch, " Whoa! We got to get back to the princesses!"  
" You set your watch?" asked Bill  
"Yeah, and I didn't even have to go back in time to remind myself!" Ted said proudly. Bill put his thumb and index finger to his chin, " But how do you know that for sure?"  
" Whoa," Ted's eyes widened, "that's deep."  
"Yeah." The two stared off into space. After a good ten minutes Ted snapped out of his trance, "dude, we gotta go." Ted pulled Bill up who was still half dazed. They were just about to start off on their short journey home when an unfamiliar voice stated, "Not so fast." Bill and Ted looked up to see a man in a white suit and hat.  
"Hello, gentlemen." He greeted with sinister grin.  
" Do you know Rufus?" asked Ted.  
The man looked puzzled, "the thirteenth apostle?"  
" I thought there were only twelve." Ted started counting to himself confused.  
"You thought Joan of Arch was Noah's wife too." Laughed Bill recalling a famous history class lesson.  
The man's grin widened, "I'm afraid we've never meet. I'm Azreal," he said, "But I believe you do know my friends, evil Bill and Ted." The evil Bill and Ted stepped out from behind Azreal.  
"No way!" Ted backed up.  
"Sorry dudes but I'm afraid we're going to have to kill you. . .again!" said the evil Ted.  
Bill and Ted stared at eachother, "AAAAAHHHGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!" they yelled  
  
A/n: hmmm. . . lots of dialog, I know. I'll try to work on that. I may add some more crossovers from other movies or shows. 


	2. we are wild stallions

Disclaimer: i do not own dogma or bill and Ted or the matrix.  
  
A/N: please read and review. hopefully this chapter has less dialogue than the first one.  
  
"a most excellent dogma."  
  
Chapter 2: "We are Wild Stallions!"  
  
Light. A blinding white light. This was all Ted saw when he opened his eyes. He groaned, his vision was still blurry.  
"Neo," Said a low voice," the one has returned." Ted squinted to see the owner of the voice. It was a tall black man in a pair of sunglasses and a long coat. Ted sat up, his head spinning with questions. Where was he? Where was Bill? And who is this person, Neo that this scary black guy is talking about?  
"Welcome back to the matrix Neo." The man said  
"Huh?" ted stood up.  
"Neo, Don't you remember me?" the man walked forward towards Ted. Ted backed away, " Dude, all I know is I was eating my burrito, minding my own business and this azreal guy comes along and kills me and now I can't find Bill!"  
The man thought for a minute as though the name rang a bell, "Bill, Bill, Bill. . ."  
"Dude, I got to find him!" yelled Ted.  
The man sighed," If you must find this Bill then go." With that another flash of light blinded Ted's eyes.  
This time when he opened his eyes he was in a field of flowers. When he sat up they never seemed to end. Was he in heaven? Ted decided to find Bill. He walked for as long as he could, which was a couple a feet, "Man, I'm so tried of walking." He muttered.  
" Ted! Hey Ted! Dude, where are you?" It was Bill. He ran up to Ted. They hugged each other, but realized what they were doing and broke away quickly, "fag."  
"Ted, Where are we?" asked Bill.  
" Heaven." Said a voice behind them (they certainly are encountering many mysterious voices).  
Bill and Ted turned to see a man in a brown suit standing in front of them.  
"God?" asked Ted.  
" Not quite. I'm the voice of God," the man answered.  
" I am William Preston Esquire."  
"And I am Ted Theodore Logan."  
"And Together We Are WILD STALLIONS!!!!!"  
" Yes I know who you are," The Metatron said, "and you shouldn't be here."  
Another man ran up to them. It was Rufus (the apostle).  
"Man, I can't find God anywhere. She must be on one of those skee ball trips again," Rufus reported. He looked at Bill and Ted curiously, "who are these two crackers?"  
"These two well change the world as we know it with their music. They're the fate of existence. It's all apart of God's hilarious sense of humor." The Metatron rolled his eyes.  
"Why are they here then?" Rufus Asked.  
" Azreal," The Metatron didn't have to say any more then that for Rufus to understand the situation.  
"You want me to call Bethany on this one?" asked Rufus.  
" No," The metatron paused as though he was making a terrible decision, "call the prophets in on this one."  
Rufus' eyes widened, "your funeral." He shrugged and walked off.  
The Metatron turned to bill and Ted, "we should get you back to your bodies."  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Good Work Gentlemen." Said Azreal to the evil Bill and Ted.  
" Yeah, but where are they?" asked Loki, "they should be here, in hell."  
" You've failed Me." hissed Lucifer.  
Azreal gulped nervously, "I can fix this," He assured, "all I have to do is dispose of the bodies. They can't get back in them if they can't find them."  
Lucifer walked toward Azreal a grin on his face, " that is the. . . stupidest idea I have ever heard of!" he yelled slamming Azreal into the wall, "but it's so stupid it just mite work. Take Loki with you. That way you'll be sure not to screw this up again!"  
"Right, you're boss." Laughed Azreal nervousness still in his tone. 


End file.
